Free crap, Part II
Magazine Man, oh Magazine Man. Where for art thou, Magazine Man?
Actually, I don’t really care where Magazine Man is. I just want my free crap.
Magazine Man, author of the tremendously entertaining “Somewhere on the Masthead” on blogspot.com, recently had a free-crap giveaway. It gave the anonymous journalist a chance to clean out his junked-up basement and an opportunity to reward his loyal readers with free crap, and who doesn’t love that?
The Wife loves free crap. She sends money to worthy charities, in part, because they offer irresistible “free gifts” to people who make donations.
Question One: How can it be free if you have to pay for it?
Question Two: How bad do you really want a “free” tote bag?
I have to admit that I, too, have a great fondness for free crap. When I go the Kansas State Fair, I always walk through the commercial building for the free pencils, magnets, calendars and other cheap crap people hand out so that you will attend their college, buy their product or support their political candidate.
I read through Magazine Man’s vast array of free stuff before bidding on a delightful TV/radio/lantern/flashlight. I wrote him a heart-felt essay on my beloved lantern/flashlight that I lost (OK, I ran over it) one snowy day after my car went in a ditch on a country road.
Alas, the TV/radio/lantern/flashlight went to one Jessica Stover, an aspiring actress, writer and wannabe ninja.
Lesson learned: When men are handing out free stuff, hot, young actress/ninjas always get the best stuff.
I don’t know whether to hope Jessica accidentally runs over her TV/radio/lantern/flashlight or that she becomes wildly famous so that when she comes up in conversation I will have a Jessica Stover anecdote. I predict she will, in fact, become wildly famous. Check out jessicastover.com to find out why.
The news wasn’t all bad. Magazine Man e-mailed me and promised there were no losers in this contest. Let’s be honest, there were obviously losers, but his point was that everyone who participated would receive something. He even questioned me about possible consolation prizes.
That was 15 days ago.
I am still waiting.
I bet Jessica Stover is somewhere right now watching her awesome TV/radio/lantern/flashlight. It’s never good to keep a hot ninja waiting. They might come looking for you.
Every day I go to the mailbox wondering whether my free crap has arrived and what it will be. Yesterday I went to the mailbox, and my pulse actually raced at the sight of package. My free crap had finally arrived, I thought.
Nope. It was another “free” tote bag for The Wife.
Actually, I don’t really care where Magazine Man is. I just want my free crap.
Magazine Man, author of the tremendously entertaining “Somewhere on the Masthead” on blogspot.com, recently had a free-crap giveaway. It gave the anonymous journalist a chance to clean out his junked-up basement and an opportunity to reward his loyal readers with free crap, and who doesn’t love that?
The Wife loves free crap. She sends money to worthy charities, in part, because they offer irresistible “free gifts” to people who make donations.
Question One: How can it be free if you have to pay for it?
Question Two: How bad do you really want a “free” tote bag?
I have to admit that I, too, have a great fondness for free crap. When I go the Kansas State Fair, I always walk through the commercial building for the free pencils, magnets, calendars and other cheap crap people hand out so that you will attend their college, buy their product or support their political candidate.
I read through Magazine Man’s vast array of free stuff before bidding on a delightful TV/radio/lantern/flashlight. I wrote him a heart-felt essay on my beloved lantern/flashlight that I lost (OK, I ran over it) one snowy day after my car went in a ditch on a country road.
Alas, the TV/radio/lantern/flashlight went to one Jessica Stover, an aspiring actress, writer and wannabe ninja.
Lesson learned: When men are handing out free stuff, hot, young actress/ninjas always get the best stuff.
I don’t know whether to hope Jessica accidentally runs over her TV/radio/lantern/flashlight or that she becomes wildly famous so that when she comes up in conversation I will have a Jessica Stover anecdote. I predict she will, in fact, become wildly famous. Check out jessicastover.com to find out why.
The news wasn’t all bad. Magazine Man e-mailed me and promised there were no losers in this contest. Let’s be honest, there were obviously losers, but his point was that everyone who participated would receive something. He even questioned me about possible consolation prizes.
That was 15 days ago.
I am still waiting.
I bet Jessica Stover is somewhere right now watching her awesome TV/radio/lantern/flashlight. It’s never good to keep a hot ninja waiting. They might come looking for you.
Every day I go to the mailbox wondering whether my free crap has arrived and what it will be. Yesterday I went to the mailbox, and my pulse actually raced at the sight of package. My free crap had finally arrived, I thought.
Nope. It was another “free” tote bag for The Wife.
posted by David at 9:40 AM
7 Comments:
Is there any chance Jessica Stover will be returning to Northern Virginia, maybe to visit the parents, get away from the LA phonies and find a kindred spirit in a fellow aspiring actor with a quick wit, quirky good looks, quotidian intelligence and quaint fondness for alliteration?
No?
I'm querulous.
DCP
You could e-mail her and find out. I thought you might like her because one of her fans compared her to the delightful Lauren Graham, a similarity I already had noticed.
"Lesson learned: When men are handing out free stuff, hot, young actress/ninjas always get the best stuff."
Sorry, man, but that's a natural law. It's like gravity. Or rock, paper, scissors: Hot young actress ninja beats articulate newspaper guy.
Glad to see you're blogging!
I, too, am in love with Jessica. And your blog. I can relate to: philanthropic address labels, Lt. Worf, Star Wars nerds, cats and ninjas...Glad for the entertainment. Happy blogging!
ML :)
One more thing: If you all love J.Sto as you so profess, get your funky selves over to her blog and pre-order her book. I have already set one of my minions (I believe it was Minion #4) to purchase it for me, so as to preserve my secret ID, my only defense against her ninjaness.
That is all...
Hey, greenbelts are Ninjas, too.
Thanks, guys.
PS: Got your flashlight, sucka!
JM? Shouldn't that be JS?
What's up with that?
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