Ode to Toby
Our old friend Toby Young was back in the news last week.
She is even dumber than I thought.
The Wife and I first met Toby as a seemingly devoted leader of a prison dog program. She took unwanted dogs that were going to be euthanized at shelters and matched them with inmates. It was a win-win situation. Prisoners were given something positive to do, and unwanted dogs became well-trained potential pets. Hundreds of dogs found new homes after being trained to sit, come, heel, etc., by inmates.
It was a great success story, and Toby became well known in the local press for her hard work for a good cause.
Of course, we now know that Toby also was hard at work trying to find a new home for one of the prisoners, convicted killer John Maynard. Last week, we learned that Toby, who is old enough to be Maynard’s mother – eww – passed Maynard a cell phone before she helped him bust out of the joint.
If you’ve been living under a rock, here’s the short version: Toby and some inmates jammed Maynard in a dog crate and slipped him out of the Lansing prison in the rescue program’s van. The guard at the prison gate didn’t check Toby’s van because she was a regular and trusted visitor to the prison. (She has a somewhat different relationship with the guards at the prison she is now "visiting.")
That Lansing guard was fired.
Young and Maynard took off, armed with guns she had taken from her home and money from her retirement fund. She left behind her husband and children and left the rescue program in peril.
Unfortunately for Young and Maynard, they weren’t smart enough to leave the country. They merely left civilization, traveling to Tennessee. She bought a new vehicle for this excursion. Though she gave the seller a fake name, she was nice enough to give him the real address of her planned hideout so he could send her the title. When you’re hiding from a national manhunt, apparently it’s vital that you have legal tags.
John and Toby could have stayed hidden in their Tennessee cabin, but instead they went out shopping for guitars, a bird, sex toys and took in a movie. They got caught, duh, and are now back in Kansas.
Here is my Ode to Toby, sung to the tune of Cyndi Lauper’s 1979 smash hit “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”
I ran off, in the morning light.
My mother says, ‘When you gonna live your life right?”
Oh, Mother Dear, I like life on the run.
That’s why I carry a gun.
Old women, they wanna have fun.
My father’s on the 10 o’clock news
wondering why I sprang a boy who’s bad news.
Oh, Daddy Dear you know you’re still No. 1,
but I like life on the run.
Old women just wanna have …
That’s all I really want,
some fun.
Forget my husband and sons.
Old women wanna have fun.
A convict took an old housewife,
and whisked her away to a criminal life.
First I grabbed some cash and guns.
Old women, they wanna have fun.
Oh, I just wanna have fun.
She is even dumber than I thought.
The Wife and I first met Toby as a seemingly devoted leader of a prison dog program. She took unwanted dogs that were going to be euthanized at shelters and matched them with inmates. It was a win-win situation. Prisoners were given something positive to do, and unwanted dogs became well-trained potential pets. Hundreds of dogs found new homes after being trained to sit, come, heel, etc., by inmates.
It was a great success story, and Toby became well known in the local press for her hard work for a good cause.
Of course, we now know that Toby also was hard at work trying to find a new home for one of the prisoners, convicted killer John Maynard. Last week, we learned that Toby, who is old enough to be Maynard’s mother – eww – passed Maynard a cell phone before she helped him bust out of the joint.
If you’ve been living under a rock, here’s the short version: Toby and some inmates jammed Maynard in a dog crate and slipped him out of the Lansing prison in the rescue program’s van. The guard at the prison gate didn’t check Toby’s van because she was a regular and trusted visitor to the prison. (She has a somewhat different relationship with the guards at the prison she is now "visiting.")
That Lansing guard was fired.
Young and Maynard took off, armed with guns she had taken from her home and money from her retirement fund. She left behind her husband and children and left the rescue program in peril.
Unfortunately for Young and Maynard, they weren’t smart enough to leave the country. They merely left civilization, traveling to Tennessee. She bought a new vehicle for this excursion. Though she gave the seller a fake name, she was nice enough to give him the real address of her planned hideout so he could send her the title. When you’re hiding from a national manhunt, apparently it’s vital that you have legal tags.
John and Toby could have stayed hidden in their Tennessee cabin, but instead they went out shopping for guitars, a bird, sex toys and took in a movie. They got caught, duh, and are now back in Kansas.
Here is my Ode to Toby, sung to the tune of Cyndi Lauper’s 1979 smash hit “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”
I ran off, in the morning light.
My mother says, ‘When you gonna live your life right?”
Oh, Mother Dear, I like life on the run.
That’s why I carry a gun.
Old women, they wanna have fun.
My father’s on the 10 o’clock news
wondering why I sprang a boy who’s bad news.
Oh, Daddy Dear you know you’re still No. 1,
but I like life on the run.
Old women just wanna have …
That’s all I really want,
some fun.
Forget my husband and sons.
Old women wanna have fun.
A convict took an old housewife,
and whisked her away to a criminal life.
First I grabbed some cash and guns.
Old women, they wanna have fun.
Oh, I just wanna have fun.
posted by David at 9:04 PM
1 comments
