Monday, January 16, 2006

Free Crap: The Final Chapter

If I run over this flashlight, it won’t break.

Hopefully, that theory will never be tested.

Magazine Man (See Oct. 20 entry, “Free Crap Part II”) finally delivered a few weeks ago with my consolation prize from his free crap giveaway. I did not win the TV/radio/lantern/flashlight that I had coveted to replace my beloved lantern/flashlight, which I inadvertently ran over one dark, snowy night after putting my car in a ditch. No, the TV/radio/lantern/flashlight went to actress, newly published author and wanna-be ninja Jessica Stover because hot actress/writer/ninjas get all the best stuff.

However, MM did hook me up with an Energizer Hardcase Lantern (retail value $19.97, batteries not included). Though I will not be able to receive radio signals or watch TV via this flashlight, it is waterproof and floats. More important, it has rubber and stainless steel side panels for durability, was constructed to survive a 15-foot drop onto concrete and has a shatterproof lens.

These are all important assets to consider when giving me tools.

It also has an “advanced Super-Krypton bulb,” which must have come from outer space in baby Superman’s little rocket before that doomed planet exploded. Either that, or Energizer totally made up that stupid name.

The bulb, however, really is super. This thing could be used to light airport runways or Broadway stages. It is bright. Really, really bright.

The day MM’s package arrived, I ran out and bought the required four DD batteries so I could test it out. A swarm of fireflies smashed into our house. Did I mention that it’s bright?

The flashlight weighs about two pounds. The Wife pointed out that the Energizer Hardcase Lantern could be used not only to find intruders but also to subdue them.

Unfortunately, there has not been one power outage, blown fuse or unwelcome guest since the flashlight arrived. It sits eagerly waiting to be used.

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